To the Girl Who’s in Love with a Terrible Person

He is downright full-of-it.

You didn’t know someone could strut until you saw them saunter down the hall like the king of freakin’ bananas.

You’ve never seen or met someone with a bigger ego. It is evident in everything he does; how he talks to women, how he talks to men shorter than him, how he talks to authority when he wants to charm his way out of trouble.

How he talks to women he’s attracted to.

How he talks to women he is not attracted to.

You have seen him say whatever magic words he has to say to get a woman. You don’t know if it’s a spell, something he spent a summer learning about, or if it comes naturally. But it’s the worst.

You’ve watched him coax hearts into his grasp, saying all the right things at the right time, being gentle until he gets what he wants.

Until he gets bored.

Until he gets jealous.

He is everything you would never want in a man.

Everything you wouldn’t want in a husband.

Everything you wouldn’t want in a father.

Yet…you’re in love with him.

You hate how his abrasive confidence is one of the most attractive things about him.

You hate how every bone he throws you, whether or not he knows he’s throwing it, makes your heart skip several beats.

You hate how if you loaned him a pencil and he said thanks, even if he lingered just for a second longer, it would make your whole day.

You hate how your default daydream is him paying attention to you. Noticing you. Seeing you.

But most of all, you hate how you’re in love with someone you don’t like as a person.

You didn’t choose to be in love with him.

You didn’t choose to make your heart sag with pain every time you seen him with someone new.

You didn’t choose to force your soul down a cheese-grater every time you realize he hasn’t pursued you as an option.

You didn’t choose who you are attracted to.

Because infatuation takes us to the loudest person in the room. Love takes us to the one who wants to listen.

The difference between love and infatuation is that one is a choice, and the other is a hormonal reaction.

The difference between love and infatuation is that one is based on internal qualities, and the other is based on external qualities.

The difference between love and infatuation is that one reveals your human nature, and the other reveals your primal nature.

This doesn’t mean that infatuation is bad, as it often is the first step in leading us to the people we love. But if you have already seen someone treat others badly, then love is not what you are feeling towards them.

You choose who you love, and they will choose you.

You choose who you give your heart to, and they will give theirs to you.

You love who you make time for, and they will make time for you if the love is returned. Infatuation is biological. Love transcends simple biology.

And just because you are attracted to someone beneath your standards, this doesn’t mean your standards have lowered.

Your standards do not apply to who you are attracted to. Your standards apply to whom you choose to spend time with, date, and eventually love.

At the end of the day, we have no more choice over who we are attracted to than who are parents are. It is something you must tolerate.

But with time,

and with distance,

it will fade away.

Trust me.