The 4 Different Types of Parental Communication You Need to Know

You try talking to your kids, but somehow what you’re saying just doesn’t get through. As they get older, there seems to be more of a language and cultural barrier between the two of you. Add that to the already existing age barrier, and you find yourself struggling to have a simple conversation.

One of the first steps to actively communicating with your children is to identify what kind of parenting style works best for you. Since your parenting style will also categorize your communication methods, you’ll be able to stand back and assess your situation. (Even better, you may opt to switch over to another parenting style if you feel so inclined.)

The following list is a small collection of the different types of parenting, as referenced from Vanderbilt University. Identify yourself to start down the path to a stronger relationship with your children!

1 Authoritarian

Authoritarian men and women tend to have a “my way or the highway” kind of mindset around their children. The rules they create are set in stone with zero room for negotiation. They expect their children to live up to their expectations and follow all of their orders. These parents often run their children’s lives under the guise of “parental guidance.”

If you often tell your children how to feel or use a humiliation task into convincing them to do what you want, you may be an authoritarian parent. Children who come from families with authoritarian parents often have low self-esteem and grow up to associate submission and obedience with love.

2 Permissive

Despite its laid back appearance, permissive parenting can be extremely harmful to children. Permissive parents are characterized by a desire for friendship with their children, often leaving little room for authority. They have very few rules and tend to be very lenient. These parents will avoid confrontation at all costs and bribe their children into doing things.

Though these parents have good intentions, their children tend to have low self-esteem and high levels of sadness. They clash with authority figures in other aspects of life and lack motivation in academics. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, children of permissive parents  are more likely to fall victim to underage drinking. Once these children grew up without structure, their adult lives are characterized by lack of self-discipline and self-control.

3 Authoritative

Not to be confused with authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting is widely accepted as the most effective way to raise children. Like authoritarian parents, they have rules and boundaries set in place. However, authoritative parents are willing to consider their child’s opinion and point of view on rules and offer exceptions in special cases.

Rather than just using punishments, authoritative parents use a rewards system to show both the positive and negative consequences of their actions. They have high expectations for their children, but they are also open to offering support and understanding during difficult times. The authoritative parenting style is a perfect balance between a parent’s desire for obedience and the child’s desire for independence.

4 Neglectful

Neglectful parenting is the most detrimental parenting style. Also known as “uninvolved” parenting, parents who use this method offer their children no guidance or support in their lives. They often lack involvement in their children’s life in and outside of the home. In extreme cases, the parents won’t even provide the basic necessities of life for their children. Children from these households have high levels of sadness, trouble forming relationships with others and do not perform well in school.

After reading about the types of different parents, you may (or may not) be feeling better about your own parenting techniques. Don’t let these descriptions discourage you if you feel you’ve made mistakes in your parenting techniques. All kids are different, which means they all require different attention and discipline methods.

If you’re looking to make small changes in your parenting technique and improve your relationship with your son or daughter, there are a few easy adjustments you can make to calibrate yourself into the model parent.

• Make time to listen to your children. Try not to interrupt them, as they may feel as though their opinions are undervaled.
• Don’t impose your own views onto your children. They are their own person. Guidance is acceptable, but the aggressive insistence of an idea is never a good idea.
• Let your children make their own mistakes. It’s the only way they’ll be able to truly learn things for themselves.
• Set boundaries, but allow your children to voice their concerns. Don’t demand your child to do something without first acknowledging his or her viewpoint.
• Be involved in your child’s life, even if that just means knowing what’s going on at school. At the same time, don’t get so involved that your children’s life is just an extension of your commands.

There’s no sure way to become the perfect parent. Nonetheless, making small steps towards fortifying the bond with your children is invaluable. We hope this article was enlightening to you mothers out there. With this knowledge under your belt, you’re just that much closer to creating the bond you want with your kids.

All information for this article taken from Very Well and from the Department of Developmental Psychology at Vanderbilt.