Sex & Life
Sex & Life January 1, 2017
Are you thinking about entering the world of “ghosting”? It’s nothing related to the costume parties and buckets of candy that fill the streets every October. This realm of ghosting doesn’t have the option of treats – it’s about tricks. According to Bustle, ghosting occurs when someone you’re dating stops talking to you without giving an upfront, adult explanation about why he or she no longer wants to keep seeing you. You’re basically left in the dust without a clue as to why things ended.
“Ghosting” might sound like the easy way out of a fling, but put yourself in your date’s shoes. If you were head over heels for a guy and everything seemed to be going great, wouldn’t it suck if he just stopped texting or calling you?
There’s a right and a wrong way to break up. So if you lost interest in the person you’re dating, here’s how you should quit the fling properly.
The second you know you want to end things, spend a few days reminding the person about the boundaries of your relationship. It is just a fling and you two aren’t a couple just yet (and in this case, never will be) so make that clear. This will give the person some reasonable time to remember the relationship is purely casual.
When you’re ready to break the news, keep it simple. Explain why you want to break up, but don’t go into great detail. A simple explanation, as stated by Mind Body Green, is to let the person know you’re not entirely invested in the relationship and you don’t think it’s fair to keep stringing him or her along.
Break ups are never easy, even if the relationship is purely casual. So to show your respect for the other person, make sure you break up in person, not over text or call. As Independent says, “If you have had an intimate relationship with someone, have the courage and respect for the other person to at least tell them face to face.”
In addition, don’t forget to start your conversation with an apology. Although it may be hard to say the words, sometimes an apology shows the other person that you have considered his or her feelings. Instead of placing all the blame on the other person, you are taking some responsibility for the breakup.
When you’re ending a casual relationship, don’t point the finger at anyone or anything. Letting the person know he or she is a player or that you’re just not emotionally available will only complicate the situation. Blaming will keep the conversation going and may add fuel to the fire.
“Blame is about punishment, not about information and forward motion,” Dan Caspersen, a conflict specialist, tells Buzzfeed. “Don’t talk about what you think the other person did wrong in the relationship or negatively evaluate their personality. This wrongly puts the responsibility for your decision to break up onto the other person.”
The moment you say your piece, leave it as that. Don’t reply if he or she keeps texting you. When you don’t respond, it doesn’t mean you’re ghosting him or her, you’re just making it clear that things have ended. Delete his or her number and move on.
In much the same way, don’t suggest you stay friends simply because you feel guilty. “It’s incredibly easy to say things like ‘Let’s just be friends’ to soften the blow,” says Madame Noire. “But honestly, if you really can’t see yourself being friends with this person or you have no desire to be friends, don’t say it.”
Cutting all ties goes for you, too! Don’t text him when you’re drunk and feeling lonely. Most importantly, don’t keep sleeping with him. You’re leading him on, which will be harder to end things when you’ve really had enough. In turn, you’re only hurting yourself because you’re running back for physical comfort instead of focusing on your self-worth.
It’s hard to end a fling without hurting anyone’s feelings. Because of this, it’s better to break the relationship off quickly and in the most respectful way.
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