Eva Amurri Martino has opened up about her emotional decision to stop breastfeeding her son at three-months-old.
“I would put so much pressure on myself to battle the anxiety so that my son’s food source wouldn’t suffer,” Susan Sarandon’s actress daughter wrote on her blog. “When I would fall short (which you always do when you try to strong-arm anxiety!), I would feel even worse for ‘failing’ my son.”
Eva, 31, suffered from extreme stress after her son, Major, cracked his head on her hardwood floor – his night nurse had fallen asleep while holding him.
“My breastfeeding journey got totally thrown off,” Amurri Martino wrote. “While we were in the hospital with him, and in the next couple of weeks, my milk supply dipped big time.”
The stress had become too much for her body.
And although her body’s response to the trauma is justified, the negative stigma associated with not breastfeeding consumed Amurri Martino. She wrote, “The guilt I bore in the days and weeks after this accident was damaging.”
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Unfortunately, with all the talk about how “breast is best,” it’s easy to fall into the trap of bottle shaming. Mothers are exposed to news, articles and books discussing the benefits of breastfeeding – breast milk provides ideal nutrition for infants, it contains all the antibodies to help babies fight viruses and breastfed babies have fewer ear infections.
Why are moms shaming other moms for bottle or breast feeding.. As long as your baby is fed and taken care of properly who the fuck cares ?
— Thug Wife . (@Ambitchh69) October 10, 2016
Though you may want to ignore these criticisms, it’s not that simple. As a mother seeking to do what’s best for her child, the guilt can become overwhelming to the point of depression.
Many of Amurri Martino’s readers shared their experiences bottle feeding. One mother, Catherine, replied, “At [my daughter’s] two week visit, the doctor was worried she wasn’t gaining enough weight. My first instinct was formula, but my husband told me that I’d be quitting and sacrificing all the benefits for our child.
“I went through months of struggle and a bit of depression,” she continued. “Feeling forced to breastfeed and constantly worried she wasn’t getting enough to eat.”
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Another mother, Claudia Prothero, shared her story with the Daily Mail. For her, she was struggling to produce enough milk for her daughter so she was forced to switch to formula.
Though her job as a therapist gave her experience with helping other women with depression, it didn’t “protect” her from her own feelings.
“Ashamed and worried about the impact of my inability to breastfeed on my daughter’s future, I slid into postnatal depression and anxiety,” Prothero wrote.
But as the 33-year-old therapist pointed out, “There are countless, complex reasons why women get postnatal depression, but every woman I’ve met who’s suffered thinks in the same way; they set rigid demands or ‘shoulds’ for themselves as a mother, and feel like a failure when they can’t achieve them.”
More often than not, though, the reason mothers can’t breastfeed is out of their control. In a breastfeeding study published on Statistics Canada, it revealed that among the mothers who breastfed for less than six months, about 44 percent stopped because they felt they had insufficient breast milk and 18 percent said they had difficulty with the breastfeeding technique. Additionally, the third most common reason for breastfeeding less than six months was due to a medical condition of the mother or the baby.
So in order to keep their hungry babies healthy, many of these mothers only had one choice: bottle feed. Yet mothers still get shamed for trying to do what’s best for their children.
Sometimes women are also caught in a double bind. They’re not only criticized for not breastfeeding their children, but they’re also criticized for breastfeeding them at the wrong place and time.
If breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable, guess what! you don’t have to look
— Rakenda (@rakendaruth) January 26, 2017
Plus-size model Tess Holliday, for example, was shamed for breastfeeding during the 2017 Women’s March on Los Angeles. When she posted a picture of her breastfeeding her son on Instagram, one user commented,, “We’ve seen you do this before. It’s like you’re doing it for attention. Cover up, please.”
In response to this, Holliday edited her caption to read, “Those saying that I should ‘cover up’ You mean when I’m breastfeeding MY baby who was a) hungry & b) screaming because he was overly tired & the crowd overloaded his senses & it was the only way to comfort him?! I will feed my child anywhere I want.”
A photo posted by Plus Model✖️ Mom ✖️ Feminist? (@tessholliday) on
Overall, it would be an understatement to say that a mother’s role is tough.
Not only does she have to raise her children, but she also has to learn to quiet the noise and criticisms along the way, especially the ones that come from herself.
But many moms can learn from Eva Amurri Martino and Tess Holliday’s experiences and remember that it’s important to just stop torturing yourself and give yourself time to breathe.
Take Amurri Martino, for example. After she began bottle feeding Major, she had more time to seek therapy, get fresh air and engage in self care – all things she needed to get herself back on track.
“The theme of 2017 so far for me has been about moving forward, letting go of unproductive feelings, and trying to be the best version of myself for my family,” she closed her letter. “Luckily, I feel like I’m on the right road to accomplish that.”
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