Your husband’s deviated septum has been keeping you up all night for the past few years, so much so that you’ve been seriously second-guessing the entire marriage. Even if it’s not that extreme, you may be contemplating whether you should start sleeping in the spare room, but you aren’t sure what that will signify.
While sleeping in different beds can mean that you and your partner aren’t doing the horizontal tango, it can also mean something positive; that you both value the benefits of health and independence.
According to a study conducted at Ryerson’s University Sleep and Depression Lab, as many as 30 to 40 percent of couples sleep in separate beds. As the director of the lab, Colleen Carney states, “People will say they sleep better [together], but when we actually monitor their brains we see that their brain is not getting into deeper stages of sleep because they’re continuously being woken up by movement or sound.” Which, she adds, “creates a lot of problems.”
Of course, there are some obvious benefits to co-sleeping. Andrea Peterson’s research from her Wall Street Journal article entitled,”Who Sleeps Better at Night?” reports that men and women who sleep together can benefit from psychological security and closeness. While having a sense of security and intimacy in your marriage is a priority, sometimes, between your spouse’s snoring, mouth-smacking and sleep-talking, you can barely sleep a wink.
In situations where co-sleeping becomes difficult, snoozing in different beds a few days out of the week is completely understandable. A good night’s rest is vital for mental and physical health. By finding a middle ground between your personal well-being and your relationship you can have the best of both worlds.
Another situation where it may be good to sleep apart once in a while is if you two work together. Spending every hour of the day together can be a little much for any couple. Besides, having your own independence is healthy. Therefore, explicitly setting out days when you sleep apart can help with excitement, intimacy, and connection.
No matter what the situation is, finding a balance and what works best for your relationship is what’s important. If compromising means that you don’t watch TV until 2 a.m. two nights a week so that your partner can sleep, then do it. Also, if meeting in the middle means the kids will have to sleep in their own beds most of the week, then so be it.
Finding that balance will help your health and your relationship.
