Relationships June 25, 2018
Self-love isn't always easy, but long-distance doesn't have to make it harder.
My long-distance love story journey began with tears and a two-day hibernation from the world. All I wanted to do was see him again and that wasn’t possible for the next three months. Now, our relationship would undergo the ultimate test, and I wasn’t sure of anything we had.
When we finally said goodbye, doubt crept in. Will we stay together? When will I see him again? Am I strong enough to do this?
Self-love wasn’t a priority with these questions circulating throughout my brain. Whether or not I was ready for long-distance at the time, I can say three years later that my self-love grew in the absence of my partner. And it continues to grow.
Maintaining long-distance relationships isn’t an easy task. Insecurities arise and its fairly common. Don’t focus on the possibility of the bad, instead don’t be afraid to be alone.
Here’s much-deserved light on the positive ways long-distance love could strengthen the love for yourself.
The physical time apart made me more independent. I was able to focus on myself without the safety net of a boyfriend.
I used to look to my boyfriend for support rather than build myself up. This can create an unhealthy dependence on the other person. Long-distance gave me the space I needed, whether I wanted it or not. It allowed personal growth into my individual self.
When you date someone, they become a part of your world and you lose a bit of yourself. With long-distance, you’re forced to maintain your complete self because your partner isn’t physically in the picture.
The forced absence served as a form of encouragement to rediscover myself.
At first, long-distance made me dependent and constantly seeking validation from my partner. The neediness put a strain on the relationship. Something had to change. I needed to reconnect with myself. After finding the tools to love myself without my partner’s help, our relationship grew.
My newfound independence freed me from self-doubt and insecurity. I could finally focus on myself while maintaining a healthy relationship. I didn’t need him for support. Instead, I wanted to support him. This step took a while to find, but it was worth the struggle.
Having my boyfriend and best friend of three years beside me in my journey to self-discovery and acceptance is a privilege. Most importantly, it wasn’t necessary. Needing someone other than yourself may sound sweet, but is actually a bit scary.
Of course, self-love doesn’t come in a day. It takes time to be comfortable with the person you’re becoming, especially when you’re finding your own way as an adult.
The only person guaranteed at your side no matter what obstacle is yourself. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, your other relationships will fail.
This isn’tt to say that another person can’t support you, it just means that there’s no need to rely on anything external from yourself.
This last point is essential. Focusing on yourself is the only way to find self-love. There are countless ways to improve the relationship with yourself. One way I like to think of my relationship with myself is as if it’s a long-distance relationship.
When in love during a long-distance relationship, you have to make little gestures that show the other person you care. Loving yourself is the same way. Rewarding yourself with small gifts or a relaxing night can immediately boost your mood and intra-personal perception.
When you treat yourself like a life partner, you have to forgive your small quirks. Don’t get hung up on what you don’t like about yourself. Instead, make peace with them or change them! You’ll notice that changing yourself is easier than changing others and there’s a reason for that. Reinventing yourself is a great way to improve your self-love.
The struggle to achieve better self-love is a journey that will last a lifetime. Don’t stress about finding it because you’ll know when it’s there. There’s no rule saying you have to stay single to love yourself better, but maybe that’s what you personally need, and that’s OK. Give yourself the space to find out more about yourself, and the rest will come in time.
