Your can’t know the exact moment you will find your soulmate. Maybe you’ve already met him. Maybe you have a few years of searching ahead of you. Whether you’ve met him or not, how do know your partner is marriage material?
ENTITY spoke to licensed marriage and therapy expert Jennifer Chappell Marsh of Chappell Therapy to learn about the traits all women should seek in their partners.
Whether you are in the market for a serious relationship or you’re waiting for him to pop the question, here are five essential qualities you should watch out for in your partner.
Tom Hopkins once said, “Being miserable is a habit. Being happy is a habit. The choice is yours.”
Before committing to marriage, determine whether or not your relationship is toxic in any way. According to Marsh, “Signs you are in a toxic relationship are any sort of abuse: emotional, physical, sexual. A toxic relationship doesn’t contain emotional safety. If you find yourself afraid to communicate your feelings for fear of the consequences or that it won’t matter then that is a big red flag you are in a toxic relationship.”
Couples who choose to be positive help strengthen their relationship and allow the partnership to move in a healthy direction. When you marry, you make a commitment for life. So choose someone who is positive, not negative, about the direction of the relationship.
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When your man’s dependable, you don’t need to worry about him not following through or being inconsistent.
According to Marsh, “The most important thing consider with a marriage partner is your overall sense of security with this person. Ultimately we need to know – when things get tough, do you have my back? The traits to look out for in a person that give us this sense of security are A. R. E: Accessibility, Reliability, Emotional Engagement. Accessibility – I reach you when I need you. Reliability – I trust that you are there, safeguarding our relationship. Emotional Engagement – I feel you care for me and you are in tune with me.”
It is important to ensure that the man you choose as your lifelong partner does not exhibit early signs of unreliability. If you cannot trust your husband to follow through on his word, issues will are likely to develop later in your relationship.
“A man’s sense of confidence absolutely affects his sense of being ready to take the next step in the relationship,” says Marsh. “Mostly, men need to feel confident that they are ‘enough’ for their partners … that their partners accepts them as who they are and will be happy in their lives together.”
Retired communications professor and speaker Richard Weaver, Ph.D. writes in his book “Relationship Rules,” “What could be more important than working to develop a more positive self – one of the cornerstones for relationship success? By continually working on your self-confidence, you make positive and productive strides toward getting your own house in order before inviting anyone over.”
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What is love without commitment? Marsh advises, “To determine if your partner is committed, ask yourself: Does my partner’s words and behaviors consistently demonstrate that our relationship is the priority?”
“When people say, ‘I’m committed to my relationship,’ they can mean two things,” said study co-author Benjamin Karney, a psychology professor and co-director of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. “One thing they can mean is, ‘I really like this relationship and want it to continue.’ However, commitment is more than just that.”
According to the study, true commitment means showing a willingness to work through even the toughest of days. It means making sacrifices in order to strengthen your partnership. It means finding active solutions to your problems. A relationship cannot survive if only one of two players are truly committed to making the marriage work.
Honesty is truly the best policy in a relationship, even when you are afraid to say how you feel. According to Marsh, “Honesty is a fundamental part of having a safe, secure relationship and marriage. When a partner is dishonest it jeopardizes the trust in the relationship.”
Psychology Today explains, “What honesty gives you is a great deal of comfort. Knowing you can implicitly trust your mate allows you to be your best self, and your relationship will continue to thrive because you are able to give each other the positive energy you need to navigate life’s ups and downs.”
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When you think about your current partner, keep these five traits in mind. Of course, other factors come into play, but when it comes to a long, happy marriage, a man with these traits will definitely deliver.
