Relationships August 29, 2017
It’s a stereotype that queer women are somehow all sex ninjas.
Every feminist site is all a tizzy with the fact that, yes, women fake orgasms.
It usually is centered around the fact that men are dopey, inefficient pussy wranglers that need a teachin’ to, so we ladies have to go hop on the saddle and show em’ how it’s done. Wild West analogies aside, it’s not just cis dudes who need to be told what to do when it comes to personal satisfaction.
Cheer with me now, “WHOSE PARTS!?” “MY PARTS!” All parts are different. As Sly & The Family Stone wisely told us, “Different strokes for different folks.” If we just sit back and let Jane popsicle lick her way through our pussy like her ex Tiffany liked it — well, it might not work out for us (Tiffany if you’re listening, this is nothing against you. You’re perfect!). Communication is key, so put the Vegan Lesbian Commune in communication and get to talking!
I have struggled with this my whole life — not necessarily always faking it, but being afraid to ask for what I want from sex, which can sometimes lead to the dreaded faked “O.” No matter what you identify as, being a woman in this world is hard, and we are all taught both indirectly and directly that our pleasure is not as important as our partner’s.
I think that often can apply to gay relationships as well. It’s definitely a stereotype that queer women are somehow all sex ninjas that automatically get their partners to orgasm faster than that pirated version of “Notting Hill” gives you pop-ups for male erection pills.
I so, so appreciate it when my girlfriend or past partners have told me to, “shift a little to the left, now take it back now y’all, one hop this time!” I cross the line at hopping, it’s very difficult to do during sex and my coordination skills are limited to the basics. When my partner and I create and talk about boundaries, dreams or goals for sex it makes it more enjoyable all around. It’s so hard though. Why is taking my clothes off so easy, but asking for what I want so difficult?
Faking it can be for any number of reasons. You want to make your girlfriend feel good and happy being usually the number one answer, or you have tickets to a concert at 7 p.m., and it needs to be quick. If you happen to be too embarrassed to ask for what you want in the moment, try talking about it during a nonsexual time. Have a sub/dom relationship? There are online want sheets, if you’re a spreadsheet kind of gal, that specifically check off what you like, what you want and what’s off limits.
I’m so thankful we live in a time that, although can still be difficult to navigate sexually, has so many resources on queer sex, boundary setting and tips for talking.
It’s definitely not easy, but with a deep breath, extra communication and a little bit of pixie dust (or lube, which is equally as magical) you won’t have to grip the sheets as part of your next method acting assignment. Happy orgasms, ladies!
