So what is a good relationship supposed to be like, anyway? Well, the definition is constantly changing, especially when our standards are changing just as quickly.
And then, after you end it with dud #4, someone says “you have to go through a couple of frogs until you finally get the prince.” What the heck does that mean? You should romantically involve yourself with awful people, just to hit the magical “I’ve dated enough doofuses to finally meet a decent human being?”
Also, what if your exes were fine but just not necessarily perfect for you? I hardly think they deserve the categorization of frogs.
So instead of focusing on weird tropes that can be found in most Hallmark cards, let’s get specific. What should you expect from someone who wants to be involved with you?
He’s won the jackpot. In a world where it seems basically impossible to find the right person, at the right time, in the right place, he’s found someone with whom he’s compatible. If he is ready to commit to something at least slightly long-term, meeting the parents should see like the reasonable next step…not an ominous task to avoid.
Now if you’re a strong believer in the five love languages, saying “I love you” is not always the main way you feel someone’s love. You might feel someone’s love more through acts of service, gifts, or even just an occasional spontaneous kiss. However, language itself is powerful. A man who is sure about how he feels (and more importantly, who he wants) should say these three words if he wants to begin a good relationship. These three exact words.
Not “I kinda like you”, not “you’re the world to me,” and certainly not “you are my everything”. These three words are scary, but they have weight for a reason. If you’ve been dating long enough for these words to make sense, he should say them.
Okay, maybe he doesn’t have to get you cheeseburgers and donuts on a stick (although let’s be honest, that might be the best Valentine’s gift of all time). But once you get past the courting stage in a good relationship, his “I love you”s should be supported by attentive behavior.
Saying “I love our dinner dates” and then postponing every time is not love. Saying “I love spending time with you” and then acting bothered or inconvenienced when you’re around is not love.
However, saying “I love seeing you happy” and then planning a movie night with your favorite film shows love. Saying “I love how you’re bilingual” and then watching a crash course of your first language shows love. It doesn’t have to to be this huge, romantic gesture a la Love Actually, but it should be something that shows how he feels.
Again, I must reiterate that big romantic gestures are not required for a good relationship. In fact, more reserved individuals like introverts strongly dislike being the center of attention, and romantic gestures often put you in the spotlight.
However, someone who anticipates your needs is not only showing their love…they’re showing that they care about your success outside of the relationship.
For example, let’s say you have a huge job interview the next day, and your boyfriend knows you wanted to wake up early to get ready. He may set an alarm on his phone to do a wake-up call in the morning, just to make sure you do as well as you possibly can.
Not only is this a really sweet thing to do, but it is totally selfless: there is no consequence on his end if you miss the interview. However, him showing that he wants you to succeed at work shows that his intents are pure: he loves you so much he would inconvenience himself to make you happier, even if it provides no benefit for him.
We hope we demystified this myth of a good relationship. Honest to goodness, it is possible…you just need to find the right guy who’s willing to put in the effort. After all, you’re worth it.
