Relationships May 15, 2017
Is she leading Dev on or does he just need to get over himself?
Season two introduces us to Francesca (Alessandra Mastronardi), an Italian beauty Dev (Aziz Ansari) meets while on his pasta apprenticeship in Moderna. *spoilers for Netflix’s “Master of None” season two*
Francesca’s adorable. She’s funny. She’s witty. She’s warm, and she’s got amazing style. Look, I get it. It’s probably not hard to fall for her. I mean, I kind of love her.
But… and I know we’ve talked about the “friend zone” before. But here’s a lesson I feel bears repeating — just because someone loves her, doesn’t mean she has to love them. She didn’t ask Dev to fall for her. And yeah, I get it. You can’t control your feelings. But you also can’t get mad at someone for not falling when you do.
They hung out, and maybe some of those outings could have been construed as confusing, but I’ve been in Francesca’s position before. I think a lot of women have. And if both of you are under the impression that you are just friends, why would you question anything?
I go to movies with my girlfriends. I go to dinner, museums, etc. So if we’re both in agreement that we’re friends, then why should I be overanalyzing every move I make to see if I’m sending the wrong message?
And yet that’s exactly what Dev does. He talks to his buddy Arnold (Eric Wareheim) about it, insisting there’s a “vibe.” And he encourages him! After Francesca stays over… due to a snowstorm, Arnold is incredulous that Dev didn’t make a move. On his engaged friend. “Bro, what are you doing? She was in your bed with you,” he says.
Uh, so? They were in his bed sleeping… because they were snowed in. Was it kind of a sexy night? Yes, admittedly, it was. But like I said before, Francesca had no reason to believe they weren’t just friends. So she likely wasn’t overanalyzing every move they made. She was just having fun with a close friend.
And just think what it would mean for Francesca if she did have feelings for Dev. That wouldn’t necessarily mean she would actually want to be with him anyway. She’s been with Pino (Riccardo Scamarcio) for 10 years. She’s engaged. She lives in Italy. That’s where her family is and where she works. To be with Dev, she’d need to break up a longterm relationship, ending her engagement, move to America (where she doesn’t fully understand the language), start a new career, move away from her family.
That’s a lot of giant leaps for one person to make on a whim. And literally any one of those choices could put a strain on a good relationship, let alone a brand new one. The likelihood that this would end in the fantasy Dev is imagining is really slim, if we’re being honest.
And even the way he and Arnold talked about it was pretty frustrating. Arnold says, “You’re going on all these fake dates. You’re snuggling all over town. How is any of that different?” Uh… I’d say hanging out is a lot different than being engaged. For one, when you’re engaged both parties are well aware of the fact that they’re in a romantic relationship… which is a pretty important part of the equation.
Then you’ve got the importance Dev and Arnold put on the friendship. “If I make a move and it doesn’t go well, the fantasy’s over,” he says. Arnold shrugs it off, saying that Francesca’s going back to Italy soon, so it doesn’t matter anyway. AND DEV AGREES! Um, they were friends when she was in Italy before. Why is now any different?
It’s infuriating and pretty insulting how easy it seems for him to possibly toss out the friendship when sex is on the line. Anything to avoid the dreaded “friend zone,” I guess.
And it’s like, I get it. Dev’s the main character so we want to root for him. But that sucks for Francesca. They’re great friends. She likes being around him, and she thought he felt the same way about her. But now he realizes he wants more so it takes the length of one short conversation to decide he’s cool with possibly throwing it all away. That really sucks.
And then he tells her he feels used. She hit a rough patch in her relationship and so she used him to make herself feel better. As Cher once so eloquently said, “That was way harsh, Tai.” Francesca thought you were friends. So she was your friend. It was never a surprise to you that she had a significant other. So now that you like her you can’t condemn her for being exactly that, your friend.
Mastronardi does a fantastic job of showing the pain and unease with which she struggles to talk to Dev about their floundering relationship. And I know that the end leaves things open-ended, but honestly, I hope she did go back to Italy. I think if she really is questioning things with Pino, the best ending for her would be to take time for herself and figure out what she really wants.
But she definitely shouldn’t just throw her whole life away after one fun month, and certainly not because the man she thought was her friend fell for her and is now throwing a pity party because she didn’t return the favor. It sucks. But that’s just a part of life. We don’t always get what we want. I guess your 30s are as good a time as any to learn that.
And ladies – you don’t owe any man anything. Don’t ever forget that.
