If This Is What Your Relationship Is Like, Get out of That Toxic Cycle Now

It’s been two months in your relationship with bae and you swear that you’ve got it right this time.

Everything is fine. All you have to do is try not to piss them off and not speak to your friends too much. Normal, right?

Not quite.

Toxic relationships have a way of blinding the abused, leaving them to constantly justify the abuser. If you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s important to get yourself out of it before anything escalates. But if you need help identifying the signs of a toxic relationship, here’s what the experts have to say.

In many toxic relationships, one partner is always walking on eggshells.

You know your partner’s triggers and you try your hardest not to step on them. So you speak with extra caution and try to keep the conversation light.

Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, explained to Health that abuse isn’t always physical.

“One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner is very controlling,” she said. “It can simply be that you feel frightened to share your opinions – you’re constantly walking on eggshells because you’re afraid of your partner’s emotional reactions.”

Your partner puts you down.

No matter what you buy or what you do for them, it’s never enough. You are constantly made to feel like you are coming up short. Marriage and family counselor Dr. Marian Stansbury told YourTango that the following questions are important to ask yourself regarding your relationship:

• “Does your significant other criticize or demean you?”
• “Are you on edge most of the time because you feel that you can’t please your partner or do anything right?”
• “Does he/she make fun of you or criticize you in public, in front of friends or family?”
• “Does he/she act superior towards you or mock you?”

“These are all warning signs of an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship,” Stansbury added.

It’s always about them.

Every single time you have a bad day and you want to just vent, somehow your partner ends up making it about them. It’s as if you don’t matter.

If you are having one-sided conversations with your partner, this is one sign of being in a toxic relationship.

“This is more common in friendships. In a romantic relationship, the person may make you feel like you don’t matter. The toxic person doesn’t want to put themselves in your shoes,” says couples counselor Nicole McCance told Global News.

They bring out the worst in you.

If you are usually an easy-going person and then suddenly you’ve turned into an aggressive, depressed individual, that’s a bad sign. When you start becoming someone you, your family or friends don’t recognize, you need to take a step back and evaluate why.

Dr. Kristin Davin, Ph.D. said to Spirituality Health that if you can’t be your true self with your partner, then eventually you will end up as someone you never wanted to be.

“You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You feel like you have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. When you can’t be your authentic self, it’s emotionally draining,” she explained. “A healthy relationship should make you feel fulfilled, while a toxic one leaves something to be desired. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.”

How they act around your family is a big indicator of toxic relationships.

If they finally have the chance to meet your family, and they don’t bother to get to know them, drop them. There’s a huge probability that they don’t really care about you, Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality told MSN.

“A toxic partner is not worried about building a foundation with you and your kin. Instead of treating it like an opportunity or a symbol of trust, they will treat it like an unnecessary obligation,” she said. “A toxic lover takes zero interest in your family, choosing instead to spend the time on their phone, dozing off or complaining.”

But there is hope.

You don’t have to stay unhappy for the rest of your life. End the relationship and then surround yourself with people who will support you every step of the way.

“Lots of support and friends isn’t going to cut it. You need the right kind of friends – i.e. those working on their boundaries as hard as you are, who aren’t enmeshed in their fair share of toxic relationships and therefore become somewhat toxic themselves,” according to PsychCentral. “The stuff is contagious. I suspect the risk for getting sucked into or stuck in a toxic relationships for people who have friends in toxic relationships is higher than 100 percent. So be smart with whom you choose to hang out.”

And, of course, never forget to tell yourself it’s okay.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., wrote on Psychology Today that you need to be nice to yourself and keep on remembering why you got out of the relationship in the first place.

“Feel good about who you are, how you have grown, and what you offer in your personal and professional relationships,” he said. “Have compassion for yourself if you want to go back into your toxic relationship. It’s normal to miss your ex, Stay mindful, however, that missing times that felt good does not mean that he was, or is, good for you.”

Stay strong. You can do it.