Sex & Life
Sex & Life February 12, 2018
Every February 1st, an unwelcome virus sweeps through every grocery store, post office, and Costco around the country: the Valentine’s Day Blues.
Aisles become a nightmare of fuchsia pink hearts and $60 stuffed unicorns that hover over you in the freezer aisle (I’m looking at you, Ralph’s). Maybe it wouldn’t be so unpleasant if it weren’t so aggressive. A flower display here and there is understandable…but maybe not a complete rearranging of the store so it’s impossible to navigate.
But despite all the ridiculous hullabaloo that is Valentine’s Day, you may have this stupid weight in the pit of your stomach. Its origins are undeniably dumb, yet you are still unsettled.
Why does every store strive to make you feel *ridiculously* incorrect as a person for not having a significant other every February 14th?
First of all, Valentine’s Day is governed by one marketing model and one marketing model only: scaring boyfriends sh*tless. Stores ask horrible, awful open-ended questions like the following:
But how *much* do you love your girlfriend?
Is she *worth* more than just a simple bouquet of flowers?
Do you even *love* her if you *don’t* get her chocolate?
Yeah. It’s awful.
Not only are they monetizing the complex notion of love, but they are praying on guilt like nuns at a Catholic school (no offense to nuns though…those sisters are some of the toughest women on the planet).
So if you’re feeling the Valentine’s Day blues, here are some things to remember:
Stores basically market for Valentine’s Day a month before the actual event. If you had a person screaming “WANT SOME CHOCOLATE TOO BAD HAHA YOU SINGLE IMBECILE” for thirty days straight, even the most confident woman on the planet would start to feel uncomfortable.
Whether or not you’re combating the Valentine’s Day blues, a chocolate purchase should always be a celebration. Always.
Think about it this way: the chocolate section has literally jumped forward seven aisles and shoved itself in your face. Not only that, but its quantity has increased tenfold along the register. It’s easy to avoid the temptation when chocolate is in its usual corner of shame. But when it’s out in the open, it’s asking to be purchased. You are a victim of holiday marketing.
Not to mention that anything filled with caramel is objectively the best candy known to womankind.
Think about it — no guy in his right mind would ask a girl out on Valentines Day. First dates are already stressful enough, so if a guy is currently crushing on you, he won’t pick the single day out of the year that has THE LARGEST romantic expectations of all. He wants expectations to be ground zero, so February 14th would be the least likely day he would make his first move.
If you watch a movie alone on February 14th, you know how pathetic that is? Watching a movie alone on February 15th. Or 20th. Or August 3rd. There is no difference between these nights. Your introvert plans should not be deterred by the random guilt you may feel forced to feel.
By the same notion, Galentine’s Days are amazing and possibly one of the most enjoyable events to shared among women. Not only that, but it is the perfect distraction if you happen to be afflicted by the Valentine’s Day blues. Having been to my fair share, I would say they are equally enjoyable as a Valentine’s Day spent with a loved one.
Are you bummed? Be bummed! Don’t feel forced to pretend everything’s okay if it really does bother you. We’re human, and we want to be loved. It’s totally normal. And the sooner you absorb and accept your feelings about the Valentine’s Day blues, the sooner you can move on with your life. Feelings demand to be felt. Feel them, and then, only then, can you move on.
We hope this provided you with some relief from the Valentine’s Day blues. And remember, the February 15th chocolate sales are real, so get your oversized reusable shopping bags ready.
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