Relationships June 6, 2018
What is the way to a woman's heart?
What are the love languages? Well, according to author of the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, they are the five ways that most people like to love and be loved. The five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time.
Want to find out yours? Read these five descriptions and see which one sounds the most like you.
If your love language is words of affirmation, it doesn’t just mean that you like hearing compliments all day. Words of affirmation can be a simple thank you, or your loved one noticing that you reorganized the kitchen in a neat and thoughtful way. You also really appreciate “I love you” being said often and earnestly.
If this one applies to you the most out of the five love languages, you feel most loved when you are being appreciated (that being said, being told you’re smoking hot doesn’t hurt either).
Lets say you’re dating a guy, but you’re really just not sure how much he likes you. He seems to like spending time with you and talking to you, but you want to see some effort. Unless he does something out of his way to show his affection, you’re just not going to be 100% positive that he’s in it for the long run.
If this is you, then your love language is works of service. You really believe someone else cares for you if they do something for your benefit, without expecting anything in return.
This means different things for different people; but the real kicker is when they do your least favorite chore, like washing three-day old dishes. Now that’s love.
Now this doesn’t mean you’re a materialistic diva who says things like “if you really loved me, you’d buy me a Coach purse.” It means that out of all the love languages, gift giving really seals the deal for you. The fact that someone took time out of their day, went to a store, spent some of their own money, and wrapped it is the most endearing thing in the world to you.
Now this could mean you feel loved with expensive gifts, but it could also mean you feel loved by receiving sentimental gifts. When someone gives a good gift, it means they made sure to remember what the recipient mentioned liking over time.
To you, giving a good gift is knowing someone well, therefore, loving them well.
According to the inventor of the love languages test, “This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.” This actually surprised me; I still consider watching a movie with a loved one to be quality time, just as much as face-to-face conversation. So this one is kind of on a person-to-person basis.
Are you convinced someone loves you when they can’t keep their eyes off you during a romantic dinner? Or are you more convinced when they want to go on errands with you, just to keep you company?
Whatever “quality time” means to you, if you feel the most loved after having lots of it, then this is probably your winner out of the five love languages.
This one is probably the most misunderstood out of the five love languages. You might think this one is pretty straightforward, but get ready for the the zoinker: this one is NOT about sex (GASP). Well, at least not necessarily.
Dr. Buddy Mendez, a certified couples counselor and author of “Ready, Set, Married,” emphasizes the importance of non-sexual physical touch in a romantic relationship. In all his years of counseling, the most frequent complaint he received from wives is that their husbands did not touch them affectionately enough. Yes, the lack of hand holding, shoulder grazing, or even kisses on the cheek were actually creating a divide between them.
Now although this book is about marriage, it certainly applies to normal relationships. If you feel the most love when someone touches you in a non-suggestive way, you can tell they just want to be closer to you in general…not only for the benefit of sex.
If you feel the most loved in this way, then physical touch is probably your #1 out of the five love languages.
Lets say you’re dating someone, and they’re perfectly sweet in every way — but they’re a horrible texter. However, in person they’re completely loving, affectionate and present. How do you tell him that you really don’t feel loved when he’s not attentive to your messages?
Asking to be loved in the way you would like to be loved is not needy. It’s making your partner’s job 100% easier. You know all those jokes about women being so hard to understand? And you just get really confused, ’cause you’re like, just ask me?
When men ask “what’s wrong,” we say “I’m fine” because they’re not asking the right question. The right question is “how can I best love you right now?”
Since no one really asks that, you might as well beat him to the chase and tell him your love language. Odds are he will thank you profusely for giving him the “cheat code” to making you happy.
So what are you waiting for? Get out there and use your love language to your advantage!
