Relationships August 23, 2017
Remember, it's not a race.
The other day I asked a friend what his first thought was before having sex with someone. He looked at me and said, “I’m usually pretty nervous. I just kind of think, well, I hope this is good.”
And honestly, I feel that exact same way. Among other things, such as I reallllyyy hope I orgasm this time, or good LORD please let something NOT embarrassing happen, I’m usually thinking something along the lines of, “oh good God, please let this go smoothly.”
So essentially what we all want, is to be good in bed. But shockingly enough, it’s pretty tough to “be” just that. So here’s what Entity employees (whose initials have been changed for the sake of anonymity) had to say when we asked what they think makes someone good in bed.
Fellas, take notes. Seriously, go get a piece of paper and a pencil, and write this down.
“Definitely the unspoken electricity between two people prior to sex. Basically the anticipation can be some of the best foreplay ever, be it physical, emotional or spiritual.”
— T.K., 41
If the conversation’s flowing, chances are the waterfall won’t end there…
“When they go down on you first. Confidence! In their abilities and their body. Body confidence is a huge plus. A bit of hair pulling and/or choking. Adventurous. Willingness to try new things.”
— J.C., 22
Did you know that ONLY 57 percent of women orgasm every time they have sex with their partner? But their partner on the other hand — yeah, they orgasm 95 percent of the time. NINETY FIVE!!! That’s a 38 percent deficit.
So what’s up with that?
It might be “easier” for men to orgasm. But I cannot understand for the life of me why guys DON’T make it their priority to give women the most incredible sexual experience they possibly can. Aka don’t make it all about your dick. Include the clit! And, as one Entity employee suggests, keep things exciting.
Of course, don’t go choking anyone or pulling out clumps of hair without getting their permission first. Communication is key when it comes to trying extra sexy “add ins” like these. Don’t be the only one going on the adventure. So talk, talk, talk.
“Kissing is a big deal for me. It also makes things a lot better when the person gets lost in the moment of passion and someone who also likes to explore every inch of your body while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.”
— H. S., 30
Don’t forget about the arms, thighs, inner thighs, neck, back, shoulders and ear! There are no limits when it comes to kissing, the more the better. Personally, when a guy tells me they love kissing me, I pretty much die. In the best way possible.
“There’s a term they use in polyamorous relationships called ‘compersion’ — which, loosely-defined, means finding joy in your partner’s joy. My husband and I like to use this in our own bedroom, because essentially if he’s getting off, I am getting off (I find joy in his joy) and vice versa. Which means at the end of the day, we’re both getting off A LOT. So I would say actively practicing compersion makes people waaaay better in bed.”
— K. H., 32
You getting off to their getting off and they’re getting off to your getting off? It’s a win-win-win-win situation.
“Since when did having sex with someone become only about putting it in until it’s time to come out? lol. But, like, seriously, what’s the rush? Slow things down, enjoy the process. And can we skip the jack hammering altogether, please?”
— B.E., 21
Jack hammers are meant for breaking through cement. Vaginas are not cement.
“This is probably obvious (I hope), but someone is good in bed if they’re not being selfish. They don’t have to be doing everything for you, but they shouldn’t be just thinking of themselves.”
— G.C., 20
Unfortunately, this is not as obvious as we thought.
“FOREPLAY. I repeat foreplay. The guys I enjoy having sex with the most are the ones who don’t make it about the sex at all. They’re the ones who spend time kissing me all over, massaging me (in various areas), talking to me, heating me up. Trust me, if you take the time in the beginning to really play, the sex will be SO much better.
Because you’ve both been working for it. Sex after some nice, long foreplay is almost like a communal reward. Like, yeah, we’re both the fucking best, let’s do this.”
— C.V., 20
In case you missed that one, FOREPLAY. IT’S IMPORTANT. And not just a few minutes, take your time. Also, notice how it’s all about your tongue and your hands, and NOT your penis.
In the end, being “good in bed” depends on how you feel about and around the person you’re with. Trust, respect and feeling like you can be yourself are key when it comes to having great sex. It’s also important to know what you like and don’t like and to make that CLEAR to your partner.
All in all, communicate, listen, be considerate and for fuck’s sake, don’t skip the foreplay.
