Apps, Snapchat and social media have all widened the pool of dating options today… but they also make it really easy to cheat.
Whether it’s obsessively following that “belfie” expert on Instagram or sending private Snapchats to a co-worker, there are subtler signs that show your man’s wandering eye.
He doesn’t necessarily have to get physical to have been unfaithful. A popular new term that is emerging is “micro-cheating” – which describes a more understated, stealthy way of fooling around.
Founder and Director of Center for Love and Sex, Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW defined micro-cheating as “another name for emotional splitting in which a partner begins to spend more time and express more emotional vulnerability with a person outside their main relationship and without the knowledge of their partner.”
Cooper believes micro-cheating is becoming such an issue because of the rise of social media. It’s easy to turn to the online community for a “quick comfort” instead of risking feeling shut down or dismissed by your partner, particularly if you are having trouble communicating to begin with.
READ MORE: F–k Red Roses, He’s Cheating
“I also think the amount of time partners are actually engaging in lengthy, deeper intimate conversations with one another has lessened over the past 10-20 years as demands from work and online distractions have increased,” Cooper told ENTITY.
But don’t worry, ENTITY is here to help prevent you from falling victim to the wiles of the f—boy. Stay ahead of the game with these five ways to tell if your man is micro-cheating.
Does he always seem to just need to text “Karen” from work whenever something exciting happens? Your man turning to another woman to share things that he should be sharing with you is not a good sign.
You need to worry if he has inside jokes with another woman, goes to someone else to vent his frustrations and/or worries, or if he tells another girl his good news before you.
“Men and women should worry about their partner/spouse feeling like they can’t share their emotional concerns, frustrations and sexual desires with them and like bringing an outsider or a third to their relationship is their only choice,” Cooper advised.
First of all, if it has come up more than once that another woman in your guy’s life is unattractive, chances are it’s the opposite. Sunny Hostin learned that the hard way with her husband, Dr. Emmanuel Hostin. She said on “The View” that he was always insistent that one less-than-pretty co-worker – identified as “Pookie” – “never brushed her hair.”
Sunny later had egg on her face when she inquired about a modelesque woman at a work outing, only to find out from her sheepish husband that that was Pookie.
READ MORE: ‘The View’ Says It’s Not Cheating to Go to a Strip Club (VIDEO)
Going out of his way to downgrade the worth and beauty of a female friend could mean your man is hiding shady behavior – or he’s proactively tackling damage control. Either way, it’s certainly not a position you want to be in.
It’s chivalrous to pay the tab. And hell, it’s nice to get something for free. But that’s not really appropriate for an attached man to be doing for another woman.
Splitting a bill while out for a work occasion or with other friends is one thing, but he shouldn’t be feeling the need to treat her. And you don’t want him to.
Is your stingy beau suddenly generous when a busty blonde is your waitress? Or do his sentences trail off whenever he drops by the table? Perhaps he cuts you off altogether, flirting with her under the guise of being polite.
At this point I don’t think I need to even say it, but – all red flags, my friend.
Now, we’re not saying he has to go all Ross a la season three of “Friends,” but if he never talks about you, that’s not great either. The “I’ve heard so much about you!” when meeting his friends, co-workers, etc. can be overdone, but it’s much better than hearing, “I had no idea you had a girlfriend!”
And while none of the above are actual examples of cheating – not physically, anyway – they could mean that he is thinking about cheating, or keeping his options open.
“If [you think] people are gonna cheat, they’ve already done it,” Whoopi Goldberg warned on “The View,” reasoning that if you are picking up signs that he might cheat, he likely already has.
Fellow co-host Jedediah Bila was hesitant to throw around the cheating label, because you should be trusting of whoever you are dating. She did, however, advise against the whole “ignorance is bliss” mindset. “You have to trust your man, but you also can’t be blind,” she said.
Cooper considered micro-cheating a “wake-up call” to work on your relationship, advising you spend more time together and try to be more open with each other by asking thoughtful questions. If that doesn’t work, she recommends reaching out to a couples’ therapist, sex therapist or sex coach.
