Relationships January 15, 2018
It's tough, but you are tougher.
Unrequited love. It’s a subject to which everybody and their mother can relate. It’s uncontrollable, it’s pervasive, and it sucks.
So how do you wiggle yourself out of this pinch? Well, it will take longer than you’d like. However, we’ll offer a few tips that can ease the burden on this long journey ahead of you.
Infatuation is a lot easier to handle when you can dissect it. Infatuation is your brain’s way of tricking you into sleeping with people with love potion #9 (A.K.A. emotions). This is why you can feel infatuated with guys that you don’t even like as people. They might even be total jerks…but jerks are often charismatic, which apparently is the only qualification your brain needs to be obsessed with someone.
Also, if you track your menstrual cycle (don’t worry, this won’t get too gnarly), you’re a lot more vulnerable to lovey-dovey emotions during your fertile window. But don’t worry, infatuation, like most intense emotions, has an expiration date.
Now, this is not to be confused with ignoring your emotions…whatever you feel, acknowledge it and feel it. Acknowledge that it sucks, and acknowledge that it is hurting you. However, you can minimize the amount of pain it causes you.
Let’s say you keep imagining this guy confessing his love for you, or grabbing your face and planting a big ‘ole smooch Gone-with-the-Wind Style. The fantasy might give you a brief moment of joy, but your switch back to reality is going to hurt more and more every time. In the words of “Prince of Egypt”, though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. Hope is usually a good thing, but in this circumstance, it can be pretty destructive to your emotional health.
Take it from someone from a small town going to a small school: secrets like this must be SACRED. If you have to guess whether or not someone can keep information confidential, they cannot.
Unrequited love is hard to talk about because it can make you feel unwanted, unattractive…basically un-everything. To actually work through these emotions, you need to be *super* vulnerable with your secret keeper…you’re basically dumping emotions on them every time you bring it up. But the total truth is required…it doesn’t work if you just go halfway. Also, getting all of these feels off your chest will make 1,000 times easier to deal with.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised. I assumed the affection I had for my current boyfriend was unrequited love until a friend told me otherwise. Some girls (especially those of us who lack romantic awareness) just automatically assume that their affection is a one-way deal. However, even just having a close friend to a little bit of recon can help clear things up.
Don’t assume that just because they’re not actively flirting with you, they’re not interested. In fact, most guys don’t approach a woman they like at all…at least not with the intention of telling her how he feels. According to relationship coach Matthew Hussey, most guys are waiting for the right moment to come up and talk to a girl. Most of the time we’re around our friends 24/7, so these “right moments” are hard to come by.
Okay, maybe don’t publicize it Lena Dunham style (unless you’re totally chill with the internet reading your diary). But creativity can be as public and private as you want it to be. And don’t feel pressured to only choose mainstream creative outlets, like singing and writing. Do whatever is cathartic to you in the moment; it could be a sculpting class, painting, knitting…you name it. Or it could even be a new hobby like archery or aerial acrobatics so you can get a workout in while you’re at it.
As corny as this sounds, every dark day of unrequited love is an opportunity for an interesting change of plans. Take advantage of it while it lasts…who knows what new skills and insights you can develop for your next friend who goes through the same experience.
