Relationships August 8, 2017
He loves me, he loves me not.
Photo via Instagram / @vanezia_blumIf you ask 10 different people what true love is, you will probably get 10 different answers. Said simply, true love is hard to define.
But there has to be some kind of answer to explain why we feel those butterflies in our stomach every time we see our significant other and why we can’t imagine our life without them.
So, ENTITY dove into the topic to see if we could find some legitimate answers for what true love is.
While many people describe true love as a feeling, they’re only grazing the surface.
Psychologist Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D. put it best. He described the experience of being in love as “primarily a feeling,” but then he continued on to explain that feelings don’t hold their initial strength over time.
Sharp explained that as a relationship goes on, the initial “in love” feeling is replaced by “feelings of connection and affection.” He said that at this point in a relationship, true love is defined by the desire and communication to make the relationship continue.
In this sense, true love isn’t a single feeling, but rather a progression of feelings as time goes on.
Let’s break that progression of feelings down a little more. Take it from the ancient Greeks – love comes in different stages.
Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself. However, philautia love isn’t about being self-obsessed or conceited. This self-love is about being comfortable in your own skin and being self-aware.
Eros love is the most primal and passionate type of love. This type of passion marks the honeymoon phase of a relationship when you can’t keep your hands off each other. Eros love usually fizzles out after the first six months of a relationship.
Philia love is what you feel among good friends. This stage is not about the physical attraction aspect of love. Instead, it is categorized by the platonic mutual respect and loyalty among friends.
It also incorporates a feeling of sacrifice among a group of friends and a shared struggle you’ve overcome with them.
Like philia, storge love isn’t about a sexual attraction. Instead, this is the love you feel among family members or very close childhood friends.
Ludus love is marked by flirting and attraction. This stage is like puppy love. You and your partner tease each other and feel excited to get to know each other.
Mania love shows a negative aspect of love. This occurs when partners become obsessive. Instead of growing with another person, mania love is motivated by gaining attention and affection to reinforce their own self value.
Manic love often leads to feelings of mistrust, jealousy and codependency.
Pragma is the love you can see in a married couple. These lovers have endured hard times together, grown together and really learned to appreciate each other.
It has transcended the lower stages of attraction and affection to form a long-lasting commitment. In many ways, this stage can be considered true love. However, there is one form of love beyond it that gets one step closer.
Agape is the ultimate true love. This isn’t the typical love you see everyday. In fact, you are lucky to see this at all in your lifetime. Why? Agape love is selfless. Moreover, it is purely motivated by the desire to accept the other person despite any of their flaws.
Agape love is truly unconditional and relies on empathy and compassion. This is the fairytale, Bonnie and Clyde, transcendent love we all dream of.
Even in science, there is debate on what true love is.
Some scientists argue true love is a chemical response in your brain. They say endorphins and oxytocin released when cuddling, hugging and kissing are what cause people to form a love-like bond.
In the same sense, dopamine also contributes to feelings of love because we feel rewarded for our behavior.
Other researchers, however, believe true love happens in an instant. Instead of developing over time, these scientists believe true love happens in the brief moments you feel soulfully connected to another person.
This line of thinking follows the idea that true love is attained when you have a revelation about yourself or your life through contact with another person. They say mirror neurons are responsible for recognizing that how you are feeling is the same as how the other person is feeling. This synchronization, then, develops a sense of love.
It just goes to show, even the experts don’t have a solid answer to the question of true love either. However, combining these concepts can help you start to figure out the most powerful emotion that exists.
We hope this helps you find true love.
