Relationships November 26, 2016
You adore your partner. You do him favors, spoil him with your love and do anything you can to make him happy. But maybe your relationship is feeling a little lackluster. Lately, it seems like you’re the only one ever putting in effort.
The key to a good relationship isn’t having everything in common or giving up your own happiness; it’s compromise.
It may seem a little intimidating to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about compromising. You may fear you’ll come off as nagging or complaining when all you really want is to even the playing field. Don’t worry – if you bulk up and start the conversation, only good things can come from it.
If you’re feeling like you’re getting the short end of the stick in your relationship, let your partner know. Sometimes your partner doesn’t realize how much you’re doing for him. It’s easy to take someone for granted when you have a busy work or home life so tell him how you feel. However, make sure the conversation is constructive, not aggressive.
“When discussing tough topics … it pays to be kind. In particular, negative communication patterns such as anger and contempt are linked to an increased likelihood of splitting up,” according to American Psychological Association. “Disagreements are part of any partnership, but some fighting styles are particularly damaging.”
While it’s important to express yourself, be sure to let your boyfriend or girlfriend do the same. Make sure to see things from your partner’s point of view and take note of his or her feelings in a respectful way.
READ MORE: A Woman’s Guide on How to Separate Love From Lust
Is your partner not giving you enough attention? Maybe you don’t mind doing favors for her and you just want to be thanked and appreciated. Remember, it’s easy to disregard favors when you’re not the one doing them.
Let your partner know what’s getting you down. In what scenarios specifically do you feel underappreciated? Sometimes it simply takes a conversation to make your partner realize what you’ve been experiencing.
Figure out a compromise. What things can he do in the future to prevent you from feeling this way again? Relationships involve two people, so you should both be responsible for the work.
Dr. Gabrielle Morrisey suggests a positive compromise, one that allows both you to get what you want without any sacrifice for the other. By achieving a positive compromise, both of you can walk away happy and unburdened.
READ MORE: How to Manage a Marriage With Two Alpha Personalities in the House
It’s easy to say that you’ll distribute favors more evenly in the future, but this rarely works out. Take some time to specifically outline how you’ll care for one another in the upcoming years.
No, this does not mean you should create a calculated schedule of when favors should be dispensed. However, “Let’s split up TV time between our favorite programs,” or “Sometimes I will go grocery shopping and sometimes you’ll drive me to work” are great examples. The work in a relationship should be shared.
Entrepreneur suggests eight steps to distance yourself from a painful past, including avoiding holding on to resentment.
“Playing the role of the victim is easy and sometimes feels pretty good, especially compared with accepting the truth,” Entrepreneur contributor John Rampton writes. “The problem is, blaming others prevents you from going forward. Most often, pointing fingers is just complaining.”
Don’t stay bitter about things that happened with your partner in the past. The conversation between the two of you is a chance to start anew. Give your relationship a happy base to grow so it will be able to prosper from this point on.
READ MORE: When to Choose Yourself Over Your Relationship
Talking about compromise may be scary but communication is key to any healthy relationship. If you’re honest with your partner, chances are both of you will find common ground. Remember everything you talked about but always keep the conversation open. Relationships are ever-evolving and ever-growing, so you should treat them as such.
