How I Coped When I Was Stereotyped as the “Jealous Girlfriend”

I have been in a committed, long-distance relationship with my significant other for over three years. As a 19-year-old, that feels like a lifetime. Through all of the changes in our lives and distance apart, there were times that it was easy to feel insecure about our relationship. Often times, this would lead to arguments that we could’ve avoided. As I look back on my struggle to cope with the distance in our relationship, these are the lessons I learned.

I Was the “Jealous Girlfriend.”

While my boyfriend was abroad in Paris, he would tell me all about his new friends. The extended distance between us scared me more than any other condition in our relationship. Once he brought up a girl who he liked hanging out with, I had something to direct my insecurity onto.

I asked him not to mention their time together and told him I didn’t trust their friendship. Both of these actions were totally unnecessary. I had no reason to distrust him and believe that he couldn’t stay faithful to me. My distrust ends up hurting him because he was being punished for doing nothing wrong.

Of course, a distance that far will raise tension in our relationship, but even those extremes can’t excuse my disrespect of my boyfriend.

This is What I Learned After.

My insecurity and jealousy motivated the attack on my boyfriend’s loyalty. I realized I never distrusted him. Instead, I despised his female friend for hanging out with him altogether. I had done to her what I hated most. It was female on female hate, and I needed to reevaluate my values and change.

I was being a hypocrite for expecting that my boyfriend should trust my relationship with my male friends, yet I expected to control my boyfriend’s friendships.

I worked through my insecurity with my boyfriend shortly after realizing my mistake and apologizing. Not only was he not at fault, but I had to work my way back to being a supportive girlfriend. It was hard for him to make friends abroad, and here I am destroying his healthy relationship with a female friend.

I learned more about her and became supportive of all of his friendships. It was hard at first to fix my wiring of hating her. My own friendships helped me to understand it. I learned how unfair it was to judge another woman for the same relationship I have with my male friends.

The “Jealous Girlfriend” Stereotype is Problematic.

As women, we are expected to compete against other women for the things we want. We are expected to exhibit this toxic characteristic of women.

The misogynistic idea that women are irrational and emotional, and therefore not as reliable as men, still plague women. It also creeps into relationships.

By acting out of my insecurity, I filled this role that I have been fighting against my whole life.

Lesson Learned.

Women deserve the chance to prove that they are more than their stereotypes, especially as a “jealous girlfriend.”

If you feel like you may be in danger of being jealous of your partner, be honest with them and work out why you feel that way. Then you can resolve it and move on.