Sex & Life
Sex & Life July 21, 2017
"But he's different with me." Nope.
Since I took it upon myself to take everything my mom ever warned me about boys and personally verify that she was wrong, I ended up in a few faulty relationships.
With most of these relationships, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time trying to make it work, but you live and you learn… right?
I am a relatively optimistic person, so I tend to see the best in people (I get it from my Dad, ugh), but some people just don’t deserve that. They’re just not that great. And not only are they not that great, they’re also making you feel not that great. After talking with some of my colleagues at Entity, we’ve noticed some red flags about these relationships.
While these signs are not sure indicators that your relationship is toxic, if you’re noticing more than a couple, you may want to take a step back and see why you’re still wasting your ever-precious time with someone you’re so clearly (to everyone except you) better than.
If only I had actually listened to every single friend I had who was telling me I was better than this guy. *sigh*
In almost every single relationship ever, you’re not dating them for their style advice, so if they’re remarking on your clothing, it better be a compliment (because you obviously look amazing).
If he hits you with the, “Are you really wearing that out?” or, “Those shorts are pretty short,” you better set him straight right there and be hearing a flurry of regrets and apologies. We’re not sure where men got the idea (answer: their ego) that we give any type of shit what they think about our clothing or how we dress. They’re lucky to be sitting next to us in the first place.
When my ex commented on the length of my shorts, I originally thought it was “cute” that he was being “protective,” but if he actually thinks the amount of skin your outfits shows is going to make you more likely to cheat on them, then he has bigger issues anyway.
Since labels seem to be a thing of the past, I’m sure all of us have found ourselves in a relationship where not only do you not know where it’s going (wow, how exciting), but you also don’t even know where you stand (even more riveting).
Not all relationships need labels, but if the lack of a title for your relationship is giving him the freedom to be in one day and out the next, he is taking advantage of your willingness to compromise.
If you feel nervous to text him first after months of hanging out or you find yourself constantly questioning whether you’re even exclusive, it is either time to sit down and have a conversation about it or go find a guy who makes you feel comfortable and secure.
Remember the point of being in a relationship is because they bring something to your life, and if they’re bringing more insecurity and questioning than fun to your life… see you never. And if after wasted months, you can’t even call them your ex-boyfriend because they were never even your boyfriend to begin with, be happy you left that hamster wheel.
The oldest trick in the book: if your friends don’t like him, he just might not be the one. As I mentioned before, when you’re in a relationship, you lack the impartiality that your friends have. While you’re interpreting everything he does in the best possible light, your friends are your reality check.
If you’re like me and you’re a relatively competitive person or you like a challenge, you probably take this as an opportunity to fight to the death for your boyfriend’s honor. But odds are, if your friends are calling him out for whatever it is, you should be, too.
“No, it actually was really cute when he ate the sushi with his hands on our first date.”
No. If he’s older than five, and is doing immature things like this (or talking about you to his teammates), it’s not cute, it’s childish.
With my first college boyfriend I found myself repeating, “but he’s different with me” so many times it makes me nauseated to think about. No. He’s not different with you. He is treating you how he probably treats somebody he wants something from.
But eventually he will treat you like everyone else, and you will get a big, fat “I told you so” from your friends. There’s nothing I hate more than being wrong.
If your significant other cheats on you, you forgive them, and then they proceed to cheat on you again, they’re obviously too stupid to even be spending that much time with. You were probably losing brain cells just by being in their presence, so consider it a favor and get the f*ck out of that relationship.
If your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not aware that they’re dating a practical goddess, they need a wake-up call, and that wake-up call needs to be you dumping their ass.
Don’t ever let someone lower your own self-worth. If you’re staying with someone who has cheated on you multiple times, that could mean you don’t think you deserve better, and if you don’t think you deserve better than that, you’re flat-out wrong.
It may sound cliché, but there are so many men in the world, and you most definitely deserve someone who can (at the very least) keep it in his pants for more than two seconds.
As all my friends know, I love the single life. There’s nothing I love more than a girls’ wine night that escalates to tequila shots and an impromptu Uber to whatever is open on a Tuesday. And even more so, I love not having the responsibility to have to tell anyone what I’m doing… ever.
So, if I’m going to be tied down, this guy better be worth it, and he better be aware that he’s pretty damn lucky. I mean, if I were him, I would probably be flaunting the fact that I was dating me every chance I got. But that’s just me.
Since we know most boys are social-media-inept, we won’t crucify the entire relationship because he didn’t post an Insta for your 3-month anniversary. BUT if he ever makes you feel like he’s hiding you or the fact that he’s in a relationship, this is bound to lead to insecurities, and you probably owe it a conversation.
It is very possible he has no idea you feel this way, but if his answer as to why you haven’t appeared on his social media once even though you’re always together is “the boys were giving me shit,” maybe he needs to grow up and realize that he’s not in college anymore and life isn’t #ForTheBoys.
Moral of the story: Your mom is still always right. As I’m sure she would agree, don’t lower yourself to the standard of your shitty relationship. You’re better than that.
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